Taxi conductor sir! I am attracted to you!

Lovely one I will not behave like Lawino, I will not tell the clans men now but I will warn you first. I will also not use crude language as Lawino did but I will use simple expressions to let you know that you mean the world to me. First is, I like the way you chip in at the right time, after a hard day’s work you are very sure that I must enter your taxi but still beg me to enter. Calling me all respectable names of madam, sister, mummy, miss to mention but a few. Yes! Finally am flattered and I get into the taxi. But beloved I have a complaint or two, when I enter you cease to appreciate my beauty so am not madam, miss, and mummy any more.


Sir, you stop trusting me completely and so you think I am just an opportunist who will simply take a ride in your filthy, congested taxi and go without paying. Least a trickstar shines in my bag I would never do that kind of thing. You may wonder why I am saying this but the way you ask for the fare just agitates me. Your seat is so strategic that I have to leave after recompensing what makes you think otherwise. But you are right, some people have wrong intentions. In my country people like free things, it is always the right time to let them know that your expensive and ghastly taxi is not a funded by United Nations. No it is not! Remind them that you are not Member of Parliament to dish out funds into your personal business.

Lovely one, your deodorant is too expensive every time I smell, trust me am enthused to love you more. The fact that you save a lot on water and you never mind about me is confusing me. Your scent reminds me of teenage boys in high school who compete upon achieving the DB award, (Dirtiest Boy’s Award.) They shower towards visitation days. The normal routine is showering may be once or twice a week. Am not saying you don’t shower sir, am saying you devote so much energy in your work and you forget yourself. Was God wrong to say that man shall eat out of his sweat? Because all your shirts are sweet smelling with sweat or should I say it right, kavubuka.


Honey, am believing God for a better diction than what you have. I have to do this myself because I don’t know God’s plan, today am attracted tomorrow you may be proposing. Your words are lovely pieces of the kind of literature Plato condemns. You know, they are soothing and when they fall on my weary brain membrane. They bounce back and when I analyse them I am amazed at how best you can describe yourself. When you call bankers, managers and other taxi users stupid, rude and proud. I feel you right because that is exactly who you are. My darling, you often forget to treat me right.

If I desist what I feel for you I will definitely hate you. I will buy my beautiful ride and when next you see me we shall be stuck in traffic jam and probably you will be begging me to move little faster so that you can get passengers ahead of me. Should you do anything silly my love; I will not hesitate to take you to the council of elders just like my idol Lawino.

Yours faithfully, the corporate.